The life of Chrysoprase the troll

CAIRO (The Borowitz Report) – Just days after they savored their chance to vote in their first-ever democratic election, Egyptians awoke today to the brutal realization that their long-awaited democracy had been imported from Florida. “When the United States started exporting democracy to the Middle East, we were naturally very excited,” said University of Cairo political science professor Amgad Nasrallah. “I guess we should have checked to see exactly which part of the United States our democracy was exported from.” Dr. Nasrallah said that when the voting in Egypt was over and no clear winner was declared, “I began to fear the worst: that our democracy had come from Florida.” “Both sides started claiming victory, and then the government said it wasn’t ready to announce a final result,” he said. “If we find out that this thing is going to the Supreme Court, to borrow an American phrase, we’re fucked.” In Cairo today, protesters filled Tahrir Square, demanding that Egypt’s new democracy be returned to sender. But in Florida, Governor Rick Scott requested that the Coast Guard create a naval blockade around the state to prevent the Egyptians from returning its democracy to its place of origin.

OSLO – Norway, which is one of few developed countries to still have a state religion, passed a final hurdle Thursday to separate the Protestant Lutheran Church from the state, parliament said.

The move, which requires changes to Norway’s constitution, was approved by parliament a second time Thursday, in what was a formality after lawmakers voted through with overwhelming support on Monday, with 161 votes in favour and just three opposing votes.

The change will officially come into effect on June 15, Noreng said.

“The Evangelical Lutheran religion will no longer be the state’s official religion,” parliament wrote in a statement, pointing out that the church would receive public financing “on par with other religious and belief-based societies.”

It stressed though that “the Norwegian Church will continue to have a special basis in the constitution and the state will be built upon ‘our Christian and humanistic heritage’.”

Yay, way to go Norway! It is time to remove these archaic religious processes that hamper democracy from all governments. I sincerely hope other countries, with religion built into their constitutions will follow suit.

The current requirement for at least half of all government ministers to be members of the Church will also be scrapped, and even the minister of church affairs will no longer need to belong to the church.

The royal family will have to remain affiliated with the Lutheran Church however. While that is unfortunate, Norwegian monarchy is mainly symbolic and whatever fairy tales they choose to immerse themselves in is no skin of my nose. Although it would be a great symbolic gesture if the monarchy did move away from an official religion. It would be a tremendous symbolic gesture. But then again, to me the concept of a Monarchy is uniquely abhorrent, so I would still find fault with it.

The royal family will however still be required to belong to the Evangelical Lutheran Church.

When the President stops in at a local restaurant during his travels in the US, Secret Service will depend on the fact that his exact stop is unknown to all but a very limited few and the fact that restaurants do not, as a rule, have poisoned food on hand. They might, however, watch as a burger or salad is being made.

When traveling abroad, eating dinners prepared by other-than-cleared chefs, someone from the White House kitchen is in attendance as food is prepared and served. This has been known to cause a little friction with chefs, but the Secret Service doesn’t really give a damn about chefs’ delicate sensibilities and pride.

If the President is dining at Buckingham Palace or Quai d’Orsay, then there will be an assumption that an official assassination isn’t in the cards. Secret Service will accept that a country’s own protective service will have vetted and cleared food preparation staffs.

Response by 

John Burgess, Former US Foreign Service Officer, wi…

Found on 

This is something I never really thought about until I came across it on some website. Very interesting….