HELL (The Borowitz Report)—Word that the News Corporation chief executive Rupert Murdoch has filed for divorce from his wife, Wendi Deng, came as a “total surprise” to longtime Murdoch confidant Satan, the Lord of the Underworld said today.
“I am totally blindsided by this,” Satan told reporters. “He and I talk every day.”
Citing his long history with the media titan, the Hound of Hell said, “We go way back. I gave him the idea for Fox News. I told him to hire Roger Ailes. That’s why this is such a shock.”
A frequent dining companion of the Murdochs, Satan said he “didn’t have a clue that they were having problems.”
“I’ve had dozens of dinners with them in the Hamptons,” he said. “Did they bicker? No more than other couples. But they seemed to be on the same page about all the important things, like creating corrupt media monopolies and buying politicians. I thought they were for keeps.”
Adding that he “cares deeply about his friends,” Satan said the news about the Murdochs had hit him especially hard: “I was just starting to get over the Putins.”
The Prince of Darkness said he first got word of the Murdoch divorce about an hour before the official announcement: “My banker at Goldman Sachs called and told me to sell my News Corp. stock right away.”
Ha ha ha ha… Funny article. I can imagine Murdoch and his wife hosting a devilish-like figure at dinner parties. Although I am surprised that Murdoch would leave Deng. I mean this was a woman who was willing to defend her man with, her hands in the face of a cream-pie wielding maniac. That is the kind of woman you want to keep by your side. Well I suppose he knows what he is doing.
Dahomey a West African Kingdom (now located in modern day Benin), founded in the mid 17th century, was reknowned for using an all female millitary regiment during its campaigns.
During interractions with french colonists in the late 19th century, they came to be known as the ‘Dahomey Amazons’, because they reminded the French of the fabled Greek warriors.
Both oral and documented history make note of the fact they were tremendously brave and vicious fighters. Apparently, upon first meeting them, the french legionairs were reluctant to use deadly force. Unfortunately for them, these female warriors were not so accomodating.
From the time of King Ghezo, who placed great importance on the army and increased its budget and formalized its structures, the female soldiers were rigorously trained, given uniforms, and equipped with Danish guns. At their height, the female troops numbed between 4,000 and 6,000 women, about a third of the entire Dahomey army.
One of the more famous warriors was Seh-Dong-Hong-Beh, pictured above grasping the head of a vanquished foe (A sketch circa1851 by Eric Forbes, when Dahomey used the female regiment in an assualt on a fort in Abeokuta).
The Politicians Who Supported DOMA Who Had Affairs http://bzfd.it/12gqH7e
The question of marriage equality is a great American debate. Many people, some with strong religious faith, believe that marriage can only exist between a man and a woman. Other people, many of whom also have strong religious faith, believe that our country should not limit the commitment of marriage to some, but rather all Americans, gay and straight should be allowed to fully participate in the most basic of family values.
I have come to the conclusion that our government should not limit the right to marry based on who you love. While churches should never be required to conduct marriages outside of their religious beliefs, neither should the government tell people who they have a right to marry.
My views on this subject have changed over time, but as many of my gay and lesbian friends, colleagues and staff embrace long term committed relationships, I find myself unable to look them in the eye without honestly confronting this uncomfortable inequality. Supporting marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples is simply the right thing to do for our country, a country founded on the principals of liberty and equality.
Good people disagree with me. On the other hand, my children have a hard time understanding why this is even controversial. I think history will agree with my children.
Excellent and very nicely worded. I hope many more American politicians and authority figures will come to realise this.
So apparently, Senator Rob Portman has come out in support of same-sex marriage. According to CBS news:
The Ohio Republican informed reporters from several newspapers in his home state of his reversal, which The Columbus Dispatch calls “stunning.”
Portman told The Cincinnati Enquirer his evolution on the subject began in 2011 when his son, Will, then a freshman at Yale University, told his parents he was gay.
Portman told the Enquirer his new views reflect “a change of heart from the position of a father” and that he first talked to his pastor and others, including former Vice President Dick Cheney, whose daughter is a lesbian.
I am glad he has managed to “evolve” in his ideas and perspectives. Obama certainly created a new political catchphrase with his announcement supporting same-sex marriage. However, I am a bit disappointed that Sen. Portman’s evolution was only possible because of his son coming out. I would have hoped that common human decency, would be sufficient to convince him that there is no reason to reject same-sex marriage. But I assume I should be happy that he has had a change of heart, however that change occurred. I hope other Republicans and conservatives in general will be able to take a page out of his book and also come out in support of same-sex marriage.
Die Harder, Felicia Fancybottom, Ground Control, Matt, Bighead Burton, Fingers, Homeskillet, Big Baby Burton, Burton the Billowy Bear, Curtis, Blackstar, Chocolate Columbo, Magic Head, Spellmaster, SuperSmeller or The SuperSniffer, Slicks, Peter Panic, Gus T.T. Showbiz,Ovaltine Jenkins, Schoonie “U-Turn” Singleton, Vernest Lambert Watkins, Bud (fromThe Cosby Show), Nick Nack, Bruton Gaster, LavenderGooms, Lemongrass Gogulope, Squirts MacIntosh, Weepy Boy Santos, Stewart Lee, Dr. Mc [Khoesan tongue clicking sounds] Took, François, GalileoHumpkins, Gus “Silly-Pants” Jackson, Fearless Guster, Shmuel Cohen, MethuselahHoneysuckle, Shutterfly Simmons, Paddy Simcox, Chesterfield McMillan (and wife), Tan, Tangus, Ernesto Agapito Garces Conde de Abelar, LongbranchPennywhistle, Scrooge Jones, D’Andre Pride, HummingbirdSaltalamacchia, Step-Anthony Wally Ali, Art Vandelay, Dequan “Smallpox” Randolph, Trapezius Milkington, Sterling Cooper, Burton “Oil Can” Guster, Hollabackatcha, Jazz Hands, Gus Brown, John Slade, Detective Miles, Greg,Doughnut Holschtein, Ron Davis, Bob Adams, Harry Munroe, Rich Fingerland, Black Magic, Cheswick, Shawn, Shaggy Buddy Snap, Ghee Buttersnaps a.k.a. “The Heater”, The Vault of Secrets, Clementine Woolysocks, Pinky Guscatero, Guts, Ol’ Ironside, Old Iron Stomach, Bruce Lee,Jonathan Jacob Jingley-Smith,Santonio Holmes, Deon Richmond, Gurton Buster, Chaz Bono, Chocolate Einstein, MC ClapYoHandz, Sher-Black-Lock, Mrs. Whittlebury, G-Force, Roadrash, Mellowrush, Crankshaft, Sammy, Joey Bishop, Slick Fingers, Imhotepor “He Cometh In Peace,” Control Alt Delete, Gootsy, The Guster, The Jackal, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Yasmine Bleeth, Killerbee, Lodge Blackman, Mission Figs, Sundown, The Black Goose, Original G-String a.k.a. Crowd Pleasah, Radio Star, Gus Jay Gupta, Don Cheadle, Jr., Chezwick, Watson Williams,Benedict Arnold Jackson, Engel Woods, Eddie Adams from Torrance, Brutal Hustler, Lumpkin (Name Never Completed), Felattio Del Torro, Tin Tummy, Sh’Dynasty, Carrington, Satchel Gizmo, Gurn Blandstein, Immaculate Conception
Burton Guster: I see dead people.
Shawn Spencer: [Both drink some water] My god, even the water’s spicy.
Burton Guster: Who does that?” —Psych - Bollywood Homicide (Season 04, Episode 06, 2009)
CultofDusty —> Youtube
Ha ha ha ha ha